Tonya De Jong

What gets your love and affection?

Stop and think back over your day. Take time to reflect on what got your love and devotion. On what got your time and affection….the TV, phone, friends, kids, work, dog, car, maybe it was your to do list or even school. Now transfer and put your husbands name at the top. What would you need to change to have him get your time, love, devotion and affection?

I have found that when I cram my day full…with even good things …my husband always seems to get my left over. And just like left over food, it’s never very tasty. Once in a while we need to extend grace to each other and allow this but having this pattern over and over, it will take a toll. And before you know it the days have turned to months and months to years and you look over and wonder, “what happened to our love and affection for each other?”

Start today to change this, turn off the TV and listen to each other, or snuggle in and watch something together, soft sweet touches can stimulate loving feelings. Tell the friend, kids and dog NO! It won’t be the end of the world if you don’t have lunch with a friend or the kids miss some activity or even the dog gets snuggled later. I’ve learned when I tell someone or something Yes then I’m having to tell my husband NO later and that can result in hurt feelings and these seeds are not the seeds I want sown in my marriage.

Sometimes we prioritize other things in our life first because we feel more love from them. I can receive more high fives and “way to go” at a work project than I can from my husband at times. Even a ladies bible study, could take my love and devotion if I’m not careful. A movie night with the kids, an exercise class all good things in themselves, but if you are doing these to avoid the time and energy you should spend with your husband your motives are wrong and you must change.

If you truly want to have an intimate marriage it takes time, devotion, love and affection. Ask God to open your eyes and to hold your hand as you seek him. Allow him to direct your steps in making the changes you need in loving your man more deeply and passionately.

Allow him to love you

blog, Uncategorized

I was watching a TV show a few years back and there was a man who wanted to buy an intimate garment for his wife, AKA lingerie. This woman struggled with her body image and you could see how uncomfortable she was with this, it was almost painful watching. But when her husband said to the clerk, “I just want her to see herself the way I do, she is so beautiful and I want her to feel that” The clerk went to the corset section found an amazing black and pink number the woman put it on and she no longer tried to cover herself up with her hands or shift her head or slump down. Instead she put her hands on her hips, stood up straight, flipped her hair and came out asking her husband, “what do you think babe?” This always sticks in my head when I am conflicted about my body image.

My man loves the way I look. It gives him great pleasure just to look at my body. Song of Songs 4:7 states “All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you.” How amazing this would be if we as woman quit comparing ourselves to each other and believed about ourselves the way our husbands do. Your husband chose you! He desires to be with you physically! You belong to him!! Ladies we must not only recognize this we must choose to believe it!! Don’t deny your husband the pleasure of being with you.

One time I was getting ready to go out on the town with my man and he came up behind me and said, “You are stunning! You are so captivating!” I should have soaked this all in and relishing in the fact that my man thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. BUT No, I had to open my mouth and I chose to say, “You think so?? Cause I think you can see my fat stomach and my legs look so pale and this is a little bit of a hoochy momma outfit, don’t you think? But my sweet husband looked at me and so sweetly said, “if you are trying to convince me that you are fat and ugly, you are doing a pretty good job of it, I’m almost convinced.” and he simply walked away allowing me to sit and think about what I had just said.

No matter how I am feeling, my husband thinks I am the most beautiful woman in the world, yours does too!

Just think if you could grant your husband something that would give him joy, love, pleasure, fulfillment and it require no money only a little time everyday – would you grant it to him? Guess what you can because it’s you!! Let your husband share in your beauty. Give him the pleasure of being with his wife!

Strip yourself

blog, Uncategorized

“I don’t love him anymore, I use to but things have changed and I just don’t anymore” Yes I’ve said this and I’ve thought this. Romantic love is wonderful. It’s a sweet feeling that you get when you think of your man. Over time…yes it can fade. Pressures of life, family, money, work, home can all crowd out the romantic feelings and take a toll on a marriage. Hurts and disappointments can lead you to want to cash in the chips. I know I’ve been there. But, can I challenge you today, before you give in to all of this, STRIP YOURSELF!! Truth is, love is a choice. It’s an action and if you don’t feel love anymore maybe you need to do something loving. In my life I’ve found three things that hinder my love for my man. Selfishness, bitterness, and fear. We will uncover each of these in more detail later but for today lets uncover the true meaning of love.

When I think of the word love it is used so flippantly today… I love pizza, I love the Hawkeyes, OOO I love those shoes!!! Instead God has a different meaning of love. In 1 Corinthians 13 the apostle Paul is tells us about love. He starts out by telling us that we can have all sorts of gifts: speech, prophecy, faith, knowledge but if no love we are NOTHING ( usually sit up when I hear I am nothing). The best is he tells us what love is; it is patient, kind, rejoices in truth, it protects, trusts, hopes, endures. He also tells us what it is not; self seeking, rude, boastful, record keeper of wrong, and it never fails. So then if this is what love is how do I apply this to my marriage?

Choose to look at things through God’s lens. Don’t allow the way you feel dictate truth instead allow truth to dictate what you feel!! When temptation arises to say, “I don’t love him anymore” change it (this takes practice and prayer) say, ” I don’t feel love right now but I choose to act and respond in a loving way” Go directly against your feelings and apply the power of God to your life. Choose to be patient and kind. Choose to not keep track of his wrong doings and boast of your rights. Changing your thinking and actions will change your heart. I’m not saying it will happen over night, but you can be assured that as you STRIP YOURSELF of what you thought love was and apply what love is, it will change your life. Because LOVE NEVER FAILS!!